January 4

Let me post here what my brother posted on his blogsite last year on his birthday. Whenever I read this post, I feel so close to my brother who is miles and miles away from me and to our mom who is now in heaven enjoying eternal life.

Happy Birthday to my only Brother! - your only Sister

“A mother understands what a child does not say.” - anonymous

i love my mom. i always have and i forever will. even though i never said it enough, i'm sure she knew. there were times when she'd ask if i did. it's her way of panlalambing i guess.

i had my own ways of panlalambing to her of course. there were times when she would be sitting on our sofa, and i'd find my way to lay down my head on her leg and just lie down for a minute or two.

i'm in my late twenties now, i'm supposed to be grown. i don't think my mom ever saw it that way. to her, i was just taller, i was just bigger, i was just heavier. but i was her child. that same baby she gave birth to. that was how it always was for her. i was always a baby, at least to her. i am mama's boy like that.

last night, i found myself shedding a few tears before i fell asleep. it's not easy to lose a loved one. during my sleep, i dreamt of her. yes i dreamt of mommy. couldn't see her face but i knew it was her. and the hug felt real. she told me that i need not cry anymore...

my mom was such a nag though... she would tell me this and that repeatedly... during these times i would whine of course, and call her makulit. and she would retort saying that when she's gone, i will miss her pangungulit. it's funny coz i miss it already.

i love my mom. i didn't get to say it as many times as she'd wish, or i'd wish. but in the end, when it mattered, i know she knew. they were my last words to her.

good thing is i also know that she loves me. she always has. i will always be her baby. my birthday will never be the same. it will no longer be just about me. from now on, it will also be about her--mommy.